The Journey Begins

     I've spent so much of my life trying to figure out where I belong, what I'm supposed to do, who I am supposed to be that I have lost track of what truly matters.. Myself. It sounds selfish, but in reality nothing really matters until you become true to yourself and find your inner happiness. Growing up, I always thought you had to be successful to be happy. Money solved most of your problems, and without it you couldn't live a happy life. Man.. was I naïve. 

    Let me start with an little introduction. My name is Meagan, born and raised in Arkansas with two amazing boys and a wonderful fiancé. My family is beyond supportive of me, regardless of how insane they may think I am. I am bless beyond all measures, and wouldn't have become who I am without the love and support I have been given throughout my life. Most people grow up dreaming of becoming a doctor, lawyer, or fireman. That has never been me. My dream jobs have always been off the wall and all over the place, but I never really new what my purpose was. I would love to own a bakery, sale art, or even own an Air BNB. At one point I wanted to be a stripper or mortician. I have so many big ideas that I don't know where to start building a foundation. You see, I feel like my purpose is beyond a small business or living in a corporate world. I have had so many struggles in my life, and looking at the bigger picture I have a story to tell. 

    When I was 14 I was assaulted by someone I considered my best friend. It was labor day weekend and he wanted to go out and spend the day. My parents were fine with me going to grab breakfast, and none of us thought this day would completely turn our lives upside down. What I thought was going to be breakfast ended up being a road trip to "see a cave". I had no idea where we were going, and I didn't even know how to begin to tell my parents. We arrived at War Eagle creek, and he completely changed into a person I didn't know. Sweating profusely, pacing around, and seemed very incoherent. I wanted to leave. He asked me if I wanted to go for a swim in the creek, and I declined but stood and watched him as he splashed himself. Once he was finished, he said we should go.. I never saw the cave. As we approached the truck, I felt this strong force hit me in the back of the head, and knocked me to my knees. I put my hands over my head and plead for him to stop, but the hits kept coming. Eventually I blacked out, and I don't remember much other than screaming for help but feeling like nothing was coming out. He tied my hands behind my back with white nylon rope, and gagged me with a bandana so I couldn't scream. I remember him telling me to stand up and walk with him and I was so terrified I just submitted and did what I was told. At some point walking through the woods, I lost my shoe. I remember saying "can I please have my shoe? My feet really hurt." We made it to an opening next to the creek and he laid out a tarp and told me to lay down and get some rest. That was when I realized there was blood everywhere. We just sat. I think he smoked a cigarette, and I vaguely remember there being a coke can next to a pocket knife. I was too scared to attempt to fight or say anything other than "why are you doing this?". 

    As time passed he kept looking around, like he was waiting for someone. All of a sudden he told me he was going to go find my shoe, and left. I was in and out consciousness, but something sparked inside of me. He left me there to die, and if I didn't get out of there it would be days before someone found my body. Still bonded, I managed to get to my feet and walk up the side of the hill under the bridge without hands. When I got to the top of the bridge I sat there trying to get the rope off my hands, and prayed he wouldn't find me. Once my hands were freed I climbed on top of the bridge and prayed someone would stop. One car passed, but didn't stop. I can only imagine the fear going through there heads as they passed a little girl covered in blood standing on the side of the road in the middle of no where. The next car that approached stopped, it was a family of four - Mother, father, and two young kids. I owe them my life for picking me up. I called my mom telling her I was at a foot ball field (I think?). They took me to the general store down the road and called the ambulance, and eventually I was taken to the hospital. From this point on everything in my life seems to be a massive blur. 

    For so long I was afraid to tell this story, and there is still so much to be told. One day I will tell it in full, but for now this will have to do. When all of this happened, I couldn't quit questioning why. All I wanted was answers: Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? How did I survive? As I got older, I started realizing the answers. This happened to me because it was preparing me for the next chapters of my life. I didn't deserve it, but it happened. I survived because I was strong enough to overcome it. This was just a small test to prepare me for the battles life would throw at me from that point on. The happiness, struggles, heartbreak. My life has been far from perfect, but everything that has happened has made me stronger, and taught me to love even harder. While I've spent so much of my life trying to figure everything out and what my next move was, I have lost focus on the one thing that matters the most. Me. My boys need me to be happy, my fiancé needs me to be happy, my family needs me to be happy. If I lose track of my strength and get lost in the negativity of the world I can't be the person I was born to be. You can have a family, kids, husband, wife, amazing job, money, house, and everything in this world and still be miserable if you don't love and appreciate your self worth. In that moment of vulnerability, I had two choices. Give up, or save myself. I chose to save myself.   

- Megs